Aircraft warned to fly right, and be serious.

Here are some maintenance complaints submitted by pilots from one of the major airlines (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers

  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

  **************

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

  **************

P: Something loose in cockpit.

S: Something tightened in cockpit.

  **************

P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on back-order.

  **************

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.

  **************

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.

  ***************

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That's what friction locks are for.

  ***************

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

  ***************

P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you're right.

  ***************

P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

  ***************

My favourite:

P: Aircraft handles funny.

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

And last, but not least.................

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget

  pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget.

COULD it be that the maintenance staff have a sense of humour?

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