Granny Column 3

Annie Merchie

Well

…it’s over… January and Christmas I mean…I never think that the end of Christmas is here until all the decorations have been returned to the loft and this fat lady can sing. This year I had all my babies (5) under my roof which is my total security.. there can be no phone call or knock on the door to bring me bad tidings and Christmas is about good tidings isn’t it?. I am too superstitious not to keep the whole tawdry decorations up until 12th night only then can I review the whole Christmas thing and begin the New Year with a load of resolutions that I will break before February.

Christmas is for the children they all say… I say which children? Do they mean my children or my children’s children as sometimes I can hardly tell the difference because it seems to me that as soon as the whole tribe returns home at the front door they resume their childhood personas. I have to say that this reversion only happens when all the siblings are together as a whole unit. On their own and in smaller groups they are , I like to boast and think, very balanced and mature grown ups whose advice I seek and respect (especially technological) but as a Happy Familys packet it is Mr Goody meets Miss Quite Beautiful and Miss Middle Child holds hands with Mr Naughty boy and all of us Indulge Baby (now over 30). This dynamic is then confused totally by the partners of each sibling who must be as surprised as me at the strange behaviour of their spouses. I have legitimate daughters in law but only sins in law as my daughters don’t go down aisles. I wonder what the children of the children think… it would fill a Freudian tome..

However, this year all went well as I said all the family were here save one little chap.. that is the son of the don who is on his second marriage and is never allowed his son for Christmas… such is the power of first wives. This 8 year old misses out on the tribal cabaret with his aunts, uncles and cousins but is the sole focus of his mother and her parents. There are no other children in that family unit and it is understandable that they want the child, after all “Christmas is for the children” isn’t it? But we want HIM TOO AND I can’t bear to see my own son desolate without him despite a delightful daughter by wife number2. Are there any other grannies out there with this dilemma? This granny was and is very fond of wife number 1 but as they are still at war after 5 years there seems no way forward. Intervention by me is not an option as it upsets everybody and mediation seems the only answer but who can be the mediator?

Next month we shall discuss the difficulties of step families.