Ramblings of a Retired Registrar

By Fiona Braclik

“What a wonderful job you have, it must be so fantastic seeing happy people all the time” is the usual response when people ask you what you do. I’m a registrar I say, I marry people and register births and deaths; little do they realise that it’s not all sunshine and smiles.

Let’s start with the hatching – normally a great joy, often both parents coming to share their first officialdom with their new child but sometimes still arguing over the names to be chosen. They have a time limit of six weeks to register and I have been known to act as mediator on the last day to give opinions and choices over the disputed names.

Now the matching – trust me, you get a feeling with each couple and you get a feel for the ones that are ‘true love’ (I could probably count those on two hands!) and the ones that are there only for the wedding album or the money. There are fabulous weddings, naff weddings and weddings from hell. Imagine a bride at a very smart wedding walking down the aisle chewing gum all the way to her groom then taking it out of her mouth and handing it to her mother in the front row. As I declared them husband and wife she then put her hand out to her mother who gave her back the same piece of gum which she promply replaced into her mouth and chewed all the way back down the aisle!

I will finish with the despatching – the most rewarding side of the job in my experience. It takes about twenty minutes to register a birth or conduct a marriage, but a death registration takes about half an hour and in that time you can get closest to the person registering and hopefully provide not only the essential legal need, but also the first port in the storm of grief. I have always found it a great privilige to hear of family history and stories of their loved ones. But, let me finish with a story that shows that even in death you are allowed to laugh. A lady in her sixties came with her female friend to register her husband’s death. She was very subdued and we handled the necessary details, but when I asked if it was to be a burial or cremation and she replied a burial in a particularly beautiful churchyard and a double plot, then she started giggling. “Whatever are you laughing about?” asked her slightly disconcerted friend – “I’ve just realised, said the new widow, he’s got his great wish – he always did want me on top!” They left my office laughing like teenagers…….

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